Toxic Relationship
How to Survive in a toxic environment?
In the world we find ourselves, we discover, for reasons that are most often unexpected, that we are in certain unpleasant relationships or situations. The dilemma often assumes colossal dimensions when such unpleasant situations snowball into toxic relationships.
However the case may be, here are some tips to excel and thrive in such a toxic environment or relationship.
1. Recognize the Truth
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32 KJV)
The very first step is to be down to earth and truthful to yourself. You must promptly and sincerely identify and analyze the situation. Are you indeed in a toxic situation, or are you the one just being dramatic?
You must first establish this in order for you to know how to ‘detox’.
2. Identify the specific ‘toxin’ and the trigger
Don’t only recognize, you must also be able to identify and point specifically to the area of challenge and what triggers it. These are the things we mean by toxins.
For instance, is he a bully, a narcissist or just a sadist? You must be able to ascertain whether you are not even the problem in the first place.
Once you know the trigger, you can know how to survive or whether to cope or flee. Once the trigger has been identified, there could be workarounds.
Generally speaking, toxins in a system are dangerous and unhealthy; as such, you must avoid them, or, if you can’t, manage them.
3. Detach yourself from the triggers
How do I do this, because I’m in this with you?
For instance, you can just say in your mind that, ‘I don’t know why you’re like this, but I’m not going to be like you.’ The truth is, irritable people who are superior to you in status cannot stand excellence or intelligence, and this is a result of their background. Often, they have a faulty upbringing, with a lot of ‘baggage’ to drop on whoever.
Greet/Meet with a smile. Never attempt to stand up to the toxic attitude gesture. Never go into a shouting match with your boss or a toxic person. Never be caught arguing or shouting, because no one ever wins a shouting/arguing competition.
A ship will always remain afloat as long as the water hasn’t gotten into it. But once water can seep in, it is only a matter of time before it’s going down.
4. Have an Escape Plan
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (I Corinthians 10:13)
When it’s impossible or difficult to detach, the next best alternative is to have an escape plan.
This might even be more difficult, for instance, if you’re a stakeholder or close to leadership, yet you must still develop an escape plan while continuing to lend your voice to address the prevailing wrongs.
We all know man’s entry into this world, but we don’t know their exit. A ‘Plan B’ is recommended for safety, whether it is difficult or otherwise.
You must develop an exit strategy and note that exiting will involve costs. You must be ready to count the cost of exiting.
Don’t die where you’re not loved, especially when you notice this. But make sure you’re right or doing the right thing. Your prayer at this juncture should be for God to show you the way of escape.
5. Transcend expectations
Beat deadlines. Draw attention to yourself by your excellence. Work on your Key Result Areas (KRAs), also called Key Performance Indicators (KPIs). Identify your deliverables and be a master in what you do.
In addition, set a personal goal for yourself. Identify and draw a line between your job and your work. With this, you can easily transcend.
Don’t sell your time, but your talent. Don’t make yourself available for every nonsense around. No one pays you for your availability; rather, it is your value that is paid for.
6. Guard your Heart
Don’t become that environment. Learn to stand out, and do not allow whatever you are going through to define or change who you are.
When you realize that your parents, boss, etc., are toxic, make a decision not to be like them. Yes, they may be your parents, and as such, you cannot detach so easily, but you can dare and decide to be different from them.
7. Heal
Words can break the bones. So heal from whatever pain or toxin. Quickly arise and move on, keeping your escape plan in view.
You publish your future, your greatness, not your pains. The person who hurt you has moved on; it means nothing to them because it’s not just their duty, in fact, it’s their nature to hurt people.
When you are hurt, don’t bleed on anyone; rather, heal. It is then that you can relate better to people.
8. Practice Discernment
Discernment is a gift of the Spirit, and every child of God ought to covet this gift. I can safely say this is key to coveting a gift of the Spirit. When you have this, you know you are truly loved. You can easily ascertain when you are being deceived.
9. Serve the Lord with Joy
“Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord.” Romans 12:11
God is the only rewarder; serve God, and don’t expend all your energy and life on an earthly cause. What testimonial does heaven have concerning you? What can stand as a memorial for you before your Creator? What can speak on your behalf when you are absent?
Conclusion
As a boss, managing a toxic worker might be a handful. As we earlier established, it is mostly a function of their upbringing or background. Know that God can use you to help them. The first thing to do is to separate them.
In the case of toxic parents, some might just be disciplinarians and not necessarily toxic. A simple way to determine this is to ask yourself: Is he/she unapologetic? Do they give your merit to your siblings, etc.? If the answer to any of these is a ‘yes’, then you can conclude that they are toxic.